Living With Faust 2!
by Butterfly-Razor
Summary: The plague that spreads like butter! Yup, the LWF crew is back with more tales of horror and randomness, and this time, Chris is a writer, so now we're up to 3! Woo! READ THE FIRST STORY FIRST, you bastards.
1. Day ? The reawakening

Living with Faust… 2!

The plague that spreads like butter!

Day ???- The re-awakening

"Well, I believe you two should get up now. It's been almost 3 months now, wake up, a new task at hand is waiting for you." said the mysterious voice.

"Huh?" said the first body as it got up from the floor. The other body shivered a little and then slowly got up, pulling it's long hair to check it for knots. "Shit, where are we?" said the fist body. "You're here." said the mysterious voice, with two more bodies walking up from behind it. "We thought that you were going to be asleep forever, but now your finally back." said the new body on the left of the mysterious being. "Now." said the mysterious being. "I have a little job for you..."

Day 1111- come back

"Ugh, my skull feels like it was used as a pinnate!" I exclaimed. "Well, at least you're in better condition than me" said the other being. "Oh shut up...wait, Teepo?" I said to him.

"Yeah what is it...Emerld?" Teepo said back. "How are we alive, we both just went poof that day along time ago, and stopped existing, so how is it that were are back?" he said. "I don't know." I replied. "I guess I should help you two now, now that I am your new master." Said none other than the crazy Mr. Bagman, Faust.

Day 1111 - xX#11&4-231

This is… Teepo, somewhere in a dark room, with a giant semi-hollow Faust overhead, and what appears to be Emerld. "What is going on here, are we dead or what?" I asked. "How could we even die? We were told we don't exist, and that you don't either!" I yelled at the Faust like figure.

"I will explain everything in due time." Exclaimed the floating ghost like Faust thing. Well, about 15 minutes of silence passed, then I finally got bored and asked "…You gonna tell us now?" He then remembering what I was talking about said in a manner of which a king would speak to a peasant. "… Oh yeah… I forgot!" Then me and the other boi just rolled our eyes and waited an explanation.

"I, am Faust, the one and only Faust, and I do, indeed exist. As do you." He explained for probably the first time ever in a serious manner. "But how can that be? We both disappeared into thin air!" explained Emerld. "We went home that day and everyone was gone! Even you, and things got even more horrible then when you were around, then, DEAD!" He explained further. "Shut up boi!" yelled Faust. "I wasn't finished talking, you should've brought a snack to this empty unknown dimension in which you had no idea you'd be coming too and there for no need to bring a snack!" He explained… I guess that was an explanation.

"Now, as for you friends, you were told they did not exist, and never did exist. This, is untrue." Faust explained. "Then why was everyone gone when we went back that day?" I asked. "Let me ask you this, who was it that made you go to counseling in the first place?" He asked. "… You did! You bastard! What did you do with our friends!?" I demanded to know. "It was great! First, I rounded them all up, just minutes after you left to go to counseling, I told them we we're going to Disneyland!" He explained to us his plan. "And then what, drove the car off a cliff?" asked Emerld. "NO! That would've been pretty fun though, but where I REALLY took them was to have all of there memories erased!" He explained the events further.

"So why did you do that, were you actually showing some compassion and letting them free, and freeing them from the horrible memories they had living with you?" I asked. "Nope! Actually, they are all still living in the house, I dropped them all of there right after I erased there memories." He explained. "So, wait, there were at the house when we went back? We were just to crazy to realize that they were there?" Emerld asked confused. "Actually, neither of you ever even WENT home, the councilor shot you both with darts full of enough tranquilizer to take down a manatee and anything within a hundred feet of it." He explained, his explanation cleared up why we saw all of that crap.

"So, why, the FUCK, did he shoot us!?" Emerld asked now more pissed then before. "Because that councilor was… ME!!!" He revealed to us. Emerld then smacked himself in the face and looked at the floor in utter disgust. "So it was all a bunch of bullshit? You were just FUCKING with us EVEN MORE? AND, on a horrible psychological basis! WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS!?" I yelled at him and demanded answers. "I'm still not finished, and while I DID have much fun during this event, I had a reason for my actions." He explained still with a serious tone.

"The others I told you about, you remember them? He asked us. "The ones who you tormented with cereal mascots?" Emerld asked. "Exactly, I lived with those guys too, and I also sent them away to counseling. One of them you've met frequently, the other was killed by Mr. Norris, only he wasn't really dead, you can both come out now." After Faust announced that, two mysterious beings came forth from the dark void, to the left of Faust was the great king of burgers himself, the Burger King. To the right was indeed a familiar face, it was pennywise the clown. "Wait, what is going on here, this is so confusing!" I asked. "Were you two always like this, or did Faust do this to you, did he do this to all the other guys too? Freakazoid, Jim, Chief, Mask, and Dr. Weird?" Emerld asked pennywise. "Nah, we were normal once, but then Faust gave us cool powers after all the torment he put us though. So, we took on these awesome forms! As for the other guys, they were always like that, long before they met Faust." he replied to Emerld's questions.

"So what I'm hearing from this story is, we are gonna get cool powers too?" I asked. "Ha ha ha, no." Faust laughed back. "The reason I gave them powers is because they took me in, they liked the games we played and the things we did, all you two ever did was try to get rid of me, and now, I'm here to stay!" He explained. "The time has come!" announced the Burger King. "Yes, now then, let's get back home shall we?" said Faust, and in an instant we were back home, we could see the others all carrying on there lives, without us. "And now, for our grand re-entering into there lives!" Faust explained. "Wait, we are still going to be living here, without them knowing who we are?" Emerld asked. "That's the plan, eventually, they will grow once again to love us!" said Faust. "Wait, I still don't get it, why did you erase there minds, why did you make us disappear, and why did you bring us back FROM THE DEAD just to put us through more of your torment?" I asked these important questions, and all I got from him was: "Because, I CAN!"

And there we were, back at our house, nothing was different, the sign in front with PEOPLE BANNED FROM THIS HOUSE was still up, Faust was pasted three times, that was next to the PEOPLE LOVED IN THIS HOUSE sign, where Faust was pasted as well. As we entered the house, none of our friends remembered who we were, or what we were doing here, and Faust didn't seem to not scare them. We went up to our rooms and let Faust handle telling them we were living here, I don't know WHAT he told them, but not one of them questioned us being here. I got my possessed Bridget plushy from my old room, which is now not my room because my "girlfriend" no longer knows who I am, nor that I am her boyfriend. And that's it, we're back, here to start our lives once more, the only bad part is that our friends know nothing of our past events, and the only horrible part is… Faust still lives with us.


	2. Day I' Who are you people

Day- G :Who are you people?(Chris)

I found this really neat journal, filled with crazy stories of these strange people. Including me, I don't even remember those things. And trust me, if that kind of stuff happened to me, I would remember.

Anyway, today, those weirdo people where here. They say they live here , but I don't believe them. The one named "Emerld" walks up to me and asks. " Hey Chris, did you eat all the food in the house again?" Now if you're a person who knows me, then you know I did, but this guy doesn't know me. So I attempted to lie. "If I ate all the food, where's all the trash eh!?!"

Then, out of NO where, the dude with the bag on his head, Jumps on my head and yells. "I ATE ALL THE TRASH WITH MELTED SUNSCREEN!" I then moved my position so "Bag Dude" would fall on "Emerld." But he ended up landing on some creepy plushy, that emitted a glass breaking noise. "TEEPO, HELP YOUR MASTER!" Then a shady character dashed through the hall running me over. I then saw the "Thing" hugging the doll. I was kind of dazed dew to the fact that some one petrified crow fell off of the shelf and onto my…,anyway I shuck it off.

I was kind of ticked off that the Bag Dude was touching my "Wii" (and people it's a video game system, get your mind out of your ass crack ). So I did wall jump/gainer and tackled him. Once I had my hands around his neck, I started yelling "NO"!, BAD!, this is my Wii, Mine! "Emerld" tapped on my shoulder to tell me I was strangling a flamingo , which in fact I was.

Then "Teepo" (I think that's its name) said "Hey your awake , wanna play some Wii?" I was so confused then, I yelled "Who are you people?, and How do know me!." Then all the sudden, in a heart bet. A Ryu cos-player named "Jack" flew out from the corner and boasts "Shoryuken!" I turned around, and are heads collided , knocking us both out cold. I woke up later, holding this journal. So now here I am writing , in this journal cause the Bag Dude made me, he said he stole it from two knights of the land of house, then he jumped and dove into the coke-a-cola can on my T.V. Oh here comes someone down the hall, I'm gonna chuck this Journal at em.


	3. Day 5 Girls day in

Day 5- girls day in(Emerld)

Well, as most days go, our life in never normal, by large, it's due to our annoying friend, Faust. Today, on the other hand, started out a little different. "FAUST!!!" screamed Teepo as he lay on the couch with Faust sitting on top of him, crushing his body. "Get the Hell OFF OF ME!!!" he exclaimed. "But I wanna watch the tele!" replied Faust. "Get off of him Faust; we don't want to have a dead friend, do we?" I asked Faust. "Na" said Faust, then he jumped off of Teepo and landed on a chair next to the couch. He then proceeded to watch the TV. I on the other hand, went from the living room where Teepo and Faust were watching TV, and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast.

I was lucky that last night the Burger King and I went and got stuff from the store for the house. Anyway, it was starting to get close to 10 am, and Teepo's "girlfriend" had just got up as I finished cooking the meals. Now, the reason I did that quote thing is because she doesn't remember going out with him. So Teepo now sleeps on the couch at night. After Kaylee came into the dining room, Teepo followed shortly after, complaining about the TV shows that Faust want to watch. After about a half an hour, Jack walked in, ate breakfast, and went back to his room, Chris came in too, but left shortly after eating to play the WII.

Kaylee had already left to do whatever she does. After cleaning up the mess that the others had left, I just drank some coffee. Around noon, Faust burst into the kitchen and exclaimed "ITS TIME TO SCREW WITH THE PEOPLES OF THIS HOUSE!". "So what's this plan of yours Faust?" Teepo asked him. "Well" Faust continued, "I'm gonna turn the boys into girls, and vice versa.", "Why!?" I asked back at him with a look of twisted happiness coming into Faust's face..er, paper bag. "Because I can!" Faust exclaimed back into my ear. And with that, we heard Chris scream in the living room, Jack scream up in his room, and Kaylee yell in her room, once Teepo's.

At first, we thought that Chris was screaming because his game didn't save or something stupid and retarded like that that only he'd be complaining about. We ran into the living room to see what had happened, but when we arrived, Chris was gone, and in his place, was some really hot blonde girl. "Who are you?" asked Teepo. "I'm Chris, what happened to me?!" Chris exclaimed with extreme discomfort in his chest and pants areas. "I turned ya into a girl!!!" exclaimed Faust as he jumped in through the window. Before we could react, Chris burst into blue flames, and blasted Faust with a huge beam of fire, roasting him alive. Faust came out of it without harm, as always. Chris then ran off into the bathroom not to be seen for some while, Soon after, Faust hit us in the back of our heads with something hard, and knocked both me and Teepo out.

We woke up lying on the couch, but something was different, it felt as if something was on our chests, and we felt different. We had now become women too. "THE FUCK!?!?!?" both me and Teepo exclaimed at the top of our lungs. "What the hell have you done to us Faust!?" I screamed into the air, as If directing it to Faust. I looked myself over, saw bumps coming out of my shirt, poked 'em, and felt funny. I looked over at Teepo and saw that he.. She was different now too; instead of the weak being of care nothing, she was now a stronger person than Jack was, floating above the ground, about 3 inches…. Until I poked her in the breasts too, then Teepo fell on her ass. "what did you do that for?" Teepo asked me from the floor, felling her ass for damage. "Hahahahah!" I fell over laughing at her.

Anyway, after that weird little experience, Me and Teepo decided to look upstairs for Kaylee and jack, too see what had happened to them. When we got to Kaylee's room, something seemed different, like the air was different or it smelt strongly like a deodorant. Aw well, We opened the door to the room, and head bangers music blasted out, stunning us for a little.

When we looked at Kaylee, she HAD become a guy, both physically and mentally. It was kinda weird, cause as soon as she saw us, she started to hit on Teepo…. Oh, I should have mentioned, Teepo's hair is shorter now, and looks more girly.. Thankfully, and I just got more feminine, more girly looks for those who don't understand me, and longer hair.

That little note aside, Kaylee started hitting on Teepo, so I snuck around them, and stole some bras and stuff from Kaylee's dresser, since we didn't have and bras ourselves…. Points pointing and all. Once that was done, we got out of there… the room that is. Now I wonder if anyone reading this knows about how to turn off guys? screw it.

We left the room, and headed down the hall towards Jacks room, though when we got in there, what we saw, is not what we expected… at all! For this reason, It is because Jacks room was covered in PINK everything. It was a little to.. Girly.

After we freaked out, we left to find Chris again, but only to realize he was still in the bathroom, with a camera, taking pictures of his nude self. Eventually, we did find Faust, and had him change us back, but when we changed back, so did Chris' pictures, as he showed us his "girlfriend" only to disgust us with nude pictures of his male self. I saw Teepo pass out, but I got to keep the pics I took off al of us.

Anyway, night, night you weird ass people. But when I see Teepo, this journal is going straight to his skull for throwing me into a wall when we were still girls.


	4. Day 141 Faust, a mime, and the DUMP

Day 141 Faust, a Mime, and the DUMP.(Teepo)

We've been back in the house for not too long now, I've been sleeping on the couch since my girlfriend doesn't know who I am and won't let me stay in MY room. It wasn't that bad, until last night when Faust decided to also sleep in the living room, oh man was that a night! Quick question… toes grow back right?

Anyway, I woke up today, Emerld wasn't making breakfast because Chris not knowing who he was wouldn't let him near the fridge. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed everyone all in the room, watching a Mime. "What's with the mime?" I asked. "I don't know, the guy with the glasses brought it here." said Jack. "Emerld, why did you bring a mime into our house?" I asked him. "I just thought I would lighten the mood, it's weird not having any of them remember us." Then Faust walked into the room, the others just kinda stared at him, and then for the first time since there memory loss, they witnessed his HORROR! Faust opened his mouth, wider then ANY snake could, and swallowed the mime WHOLE.

I looked at the others, most of them were making disgusted faces, Emerld had his hand over his head as to say "not again." Chris didn't seem fazed at all, actually when Faust walked off I heard Chris say "I was gonna eat that mime."

Well, the rest of the day I tried to get the others to remember me, I told Kaylee about my Bridget plushy… she slapped me, hard, in the face. I then tried to get Jack to remember me, he punched me in the stomach, and all I said was "You remember me right?" I asked Chris. "You remember me, right?" He replied. "Yeah, yeah I do." I was excited and then asked stupidly: "Really!?" "Nah, I'm just messin' with you, seriously, leave me alone." he replied and I then walked away and sat on the couch.

It was dinner time, we ordered pizza since Emerld could not have access to the kitchen. We WERE about to eat, when Faust's eyes popped out of his head and he grabs his throat. "Faust stop playing around, I wanna eat my meatloaf!" Emerld got pissed and badgered him. "Emerld, we're eating pizza." I explained to him. "GRAAAGG!!!" was the noise Faust made before keeling. "Faust, go vomit elsewhere, the pizza's not THAT bad." Emerld complained to him. We just let him be and ate dinner.

About an hour later we were in the living room watching a commercial for "fruity cheerios." "Fruity cheerios?" asked Emerld. "They already invented those they're called froot loops!" He continued. Chris then came in the room eating a box of fruity cheerios and announced "Hey that guy with the bag stopped moving and turned blue, I noticed it when I tripped over him and smashed my head on the table, by the way we need a new table." We all then walked into the kitchen and looked at Faust… He was DEAD.

"No, no, no, and NO!" I yelled at the motionless blue Faust. "We've been through this before, he's not dead y'all!" Announced Emerld. "We've been through this before?" asked Kaylee/ "When!?" she continued. "Oh yeah, the whole memory thing." Emerld mumbled to himself. "I think the bag guy really is dead." Stated Chris. "I mean, just look at that lump in his throat." He continued as he ate his fruity cheerios, then opened a new box of them… I don't remember anyone buying that cereal honestly.

Anyway, it was in fact true, when I looked down I noticed a mime shaped lump in Faust's throat, yes, Faust had choked on the very mime he had eaten in the beginning of the chapter, you remember, you were there! And don't tell me that you weren't, I remember seeing you there, and you were laughing your ass off. That guy with the beard was there too.

So after we realized Faust was actually dead, we had a moment of silence, followed by a lot of not silence, fallowed by Jack and Chris bustin' up Faust's dead body and stuffing it in a garbage sack.

Me and Emerld drove to the dump, in Faust very own lawn chair car, you know, the invisible one. We got to the dump and tossed the bag in a pile of dead hobo's and cases of unsold boot-beer, it's how he would've wanted it.

We got home and Emerld actually looked sad, he just went to his room and I didn't see him for awhile. The others were kinda shaky from having seen a dead body and now had the thoughts of the house being haunted in there heads, like having it be haunted would be worse then living with Faust. Yeah, I referenced the title of the story, how do you like them apples? What the fuck does "how do you like them apples mean anyway?" As for me, I hate to admit it, but it took some getting used to for me to accept the fact that Faust was gone, not because I liked him or anything, but because I'd gotten so used to having him around. . 

Just before everyone was ready for bed, Emerld finally came out of his bedroom. "People, I have an announcement to make." He stated. "Oh damn! Not ANOTHER gay room mate!" Chris said as he glanced at me. "What the fuck? I'm not gay! I'll let that slide since you have amnesia!" I yelled at him. "Hush, I'm not gay and have something really important to announce! Our friend Faust, he WASN'T dead, he just called from a payphone… IN CHINA!" He ended his announcement with that statement, and I obviously asked: "How did he get in China!? I mean come on! I knew he was alive, but CHINA!?" "Well, I'm not picking him up." Emerld stated as he sniffed a rag doused with chloroform and then quickly passed out.

Then, The burger king crashed through our ceiling, landing on top of Emerld's face. "What do you want burger man!?" I asked. "Who cares what he wants! I want a double whopper, topped off with a triple whopper, and a bucket of fries on the side." Asked Chris to the great king of burgers. "Chris, now is not the time!" Said Kaylee. "Yeah right!" Said Chris as he'd already gotten his wish granted and was now EATING. Don't bother him, he's eating. "So, what are you here for?" I asked him. He just walked over to me and handed me a note. Then, he activated his super rocket boots, and blasted through a giant hole he crated next to the previous hole, why he couldn't use the same one is beyond me.

I read the note, and it was from Faust. It said "I'll be back tomorrow morning, just gotta finish my genocide of the pandas, all but two which I'll bring home as pets for you guys." Enclosed in the envelope was a picture of Faust eating a pandas arm, and giving a thumbs up. We'll, by the time you read this, he'll be back. Lucky you.


	5. Day F:Duhhhhhh

Day-F:Duhhhhhh…(Chris)

Today I did not feel like myself at all, that's because I wasn't. It all started when Faust came out into the living room, screaming his bag off. "Guys!, Guys!, I did something bad!'. Teepo was not even surprised about what he did and just asked him. "What did you do this time!?" He said as calm as he could, but still ended up breaking the tea cup he was holding. Faust then started to babble, "I..I w-woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" Emerld slammed his head on the table in irritation.

"Do you even know what that means?!?!" Faust argued. Jack then sprang up to Faust and yelled in his face. "If one wakes up on the wrong side bed, for that they shall nearly drop dead!?!" he said edgy hoping he was right. Faust then slapped Jack. "No, it means something really random is going to happen to you guys, …and I don't even know what it is! (yet). This is where I come in. Now I was just waking up so I had to do my morning yawn, and it was like an earthquake. I then walked over to the bathroom to take a shower. I couldn't fit in the shower from some reason, only my lower body could fit. So I just sprayed some Old Spice on myself, and ended up putting to much pressure on the can, so it blew up.

At this point I started getting mad. I broke the bathroom door down as I was exiting, and ran to the living room. Everyone freaked excepted Faust. "Wha .., is my smell that bad?" I asked in embarrassment. Kaylee starting yelling at me, "GET OUT, GET OUT, GO HOME POTEMKIN!" " What are you talking about?" I asked in serious confusion. Jack then held up a mirror to me ( where did he get that mirror anyway?) I looked in the mirror and I was huge! I was so buff that I could kill a sweaty whale with my bare hands!

"Oh… so that's what gonna happen !" he said in discovery. "What is going to happen?" I asked him in a deep voice. "You will all be mixed up with each others likes, dislikes, vibe, and physical boost." And with that statement Teepo just dove into the fridge and started consuming all the food in it. and I didn't even care! Emerld then started morphing into…dare it say it.. gulp …Another FAUST! (except he still had his height , hair and glasses.) Kaylee's hair instantly grew to cover her upper body and she wanted tea really bad. Jack's outfit went from white to pink in 2 seconds.

Faust just laughed at us, while doing a crazy insane head spin. Emerld then started swimming in the ceiling. Jack (who was now like Kaylee), ran over to Emerld yelling "STOP , STOP!" I then proceeded to help the new, wimpy version of Jack in stopping Emerld, by grabbing his head, but it just popped off and blew up.

Faust took explosion as a challenge and started chasing Emerld. He jumped on the side of the wall and began crawling along it, keeping his swimming brother in sight. I was still a little dizzy from Emerld's head bomb, and I couldn't see straight. So I did what any smart normal person would do, start throwing wild fists everywhere. I ended up knocking out Jack and Kaylee, and somehow I killed a Goomba that was on the kitchen counter.

Faust and Emerld where still fighting like the hell demons they are. Apparently Faust had tackled Emerld threw the roof. Faust also had a light scalpel saber thingy. So he and Emerld pretty much sliced and diced up the entire house. Teepo stopped eating, but he did enjoy walking over to Faust's and Emerld's wrestling match to cut the food in to even slices. I asked him to help me, but he told me. "I don't feel like doing that right now." Then I remembered that he was like me, he then started playing Wii so I left him.

I found some shells and some slugs in Faust's closet A.K.A. his weaponry. I loaded my new power gloves and tried to figure out what the thing on my neck dose, but I ended up giving up on that. Since I was like Jack, I was ready to fight. So I waited for the rumble to come to me. I rushed in like the Juggernaut and started shooting everywhere, while I was slamming my fists into there bags.

After six hours of hardcore fighting, Faust quit so he could sew himself back up. Emerld had used up all his Faustiness and changed back to normal. I also changed back to myself, but the power gloves stayed (they just shrunk to fit my hands.) Teepo changed back to normal. The reason I know this is because he was playing Mario instead of Sonic. Jack turned into himself again after his surgery from Dr.Faust. He had to get surgery because he was caught in the cross fire of are melee, so you can imagine who he ended up. Kaylee was fine, in-fact she was the only one who didn't get hurt. (I didn't knock her out earlier, because it was just that goomba dress like her.)

Well I'm kinda tried now, so that's where I'm going to end the story…(oh wait I need someone to help me figure out what this on my neck does, because it won't come off! It shrunk and stayed with me! HELP!)


	6. Day BLT Faust eats healthy

Day BLT - Faust eats healthy.(Teepo)

This is Teepo once again. Chris didn't mention it in his entry so I will, THOSE PANDAS SUCK!!! They ate Emerld's bamboo collection, and then they tried to eat Emerld! Yeah, Faust gave them a taste of human blood, it wasn't pretty. Well, we got rid of them, Jack suggested we shoot em dead, Chris suggested we shoot Jack dead, and Faust suggested we let them breed and repopulate the species he'd almost exterminated, he only wanted to repopulate so he could open a fast food chain. So Chris and Jack compromised and shot Faust dead… er… alive.(he survived) Afterwards we gave the pandas to the pennywise, I don't know why he wanted them but he has his reasons I guess, let's just hope he lets them live or else China will be PISSED.

Anyway, I was sitting on the couch with my not girlfriend watching The fresh prince of bel-air. The doorbell rang shortly after and Faust ran to it like a rabid dog and slamed the door open, it was the mailman. "Here's your mail kind sir." The mailman said. "Thanks boi!" Faust yelled as he grabbed tha mailman by the wrist, stuff this poor man INTO A MAILBOX, and threw the mailbox into a MEATGRINDER! "Why did you do that!?" I asked in disgust. "Mailmen bug me, it's not my fault it was their life choice to become a mailman."

"… I don't want to live here anymore." Said Kaylee as she scooted to the end of the couch and curled up. "Kaylee don't worry, I'll protect you from the insane bagman!" I said as I put my arms around her… se kicked me in the testicles. "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PERVERT!" She yelled as she stomped upstairs.I walked passed Emerld who was reading The fresh prince of bel-air: The novel. All he said was "Amnesia." "Yeah, I remember now." I said as I went up to my room.

When I was up in my room I asked my Bridget plushy advice on how to get her to remember me, but he was in one of his moods, probably because he loves me and doesn't like her to interfere, I put him in time out. : 

I went downstairs to find Faust reading one of those healthy living magazines. "Why are you reading that Faust?" I asked calmly. "Teepo! Thank god you're here!" I've been reading about these carb things, you know what they do to you!?" He asked. "FAT!" I replied. "EXACTLY! That's it, from now on, this house will only eat right!" He stated as he stood up crashing into the ceiling fan and causing it to fall to the ground. "Oh boi, Chris is NOT gonna like this." I said out loud, but I should've kept it to myself, for Faust having hearing me, raced up to Chris's room. I followed him.

Faust crashed into Chris's room without warning, and it couldn't have come at a worse time, for Chris was eating a bag of potato chips. "oh no." I said quietly to myself, as Fuast leaped right in front of Chris and said "Gimmie… the Chips!" with an evil look and an even more evil tone. "Fuck no! I paid $2 for these and I'm hunger! Now get out, I'M EATING!" Chris replied. "Don't bother him while he's eating Faust." I said as to protect Faust, yeah I know Faust is like super powerful and all, but Chris was EATING!

Faust tried to get the chips away from him, but he couldn't get a hold of the chips. He eventually backed up, and jumped at Chris, but Chris was sitting in a bean bag chair and sunk down, causing Faust to jump out the window.

Within a mili-second the door to Chris's room burst open again, with Faust screaming "GIVE ME THOSE CHIPS!!!" I left the room about the point Faust brought out the shotgun.

So I went downstairs to join Jack and Emerld and watch The fresh prince of bel-air the movie: The fresh prince of Persia. I brought my Bridget plushy too, he had cooled his temper at this point. Faust came walking down the stairs about halfway through the movie, burnt, bruised, and bleeding badly. "Huff… huff… I got… the chips!" Faust said as he held Chris's bag of chips. "Faust that bag is empty." Said Jack. Then, Faust passed out, when he hit the ground from falling from the staircase it caused a mild tremor, which caused the TV to fall off and break. "Oh great! Now I'll never know if Will saves his honeys from the evil Emperor Phil!" Emerld announced pissed off.

Around dinner time Faust regained consciousness and prepared a meal. "People, I've given up on eating healthy, after I realized my own honey bunches of goats contains alone over 4,000 carbs." He announced. "So I've prepared a great dinner, new recipe too!" He stated as he pulled up a HUGE platter with a cover over it. He remover the cover to revealed six LIVE monkeys! "FAUST YOU STUPID, STUPID, SON OF A…" My yelling was cut short when a monkey latched onto my face.

Me, Emerld, Chris and Jack spent the rest of the evening catching the monkeys and letting them loose out front, except that one who found gladiator equipment and wanted to fight us… I have never seen a deader monkey then that one after we got through with it.


	7. Day crotchtoast HOBO HUNTIN'

Day crotch-toast – HOBO HUNTIN!(emerld)

Well, today was a little bit more disturbing than normal, whatever normal was. Anyway, today was the day of da hobo huntin extreme sports finally spectacular piss in a cup doom day of days. In other words, Faust was gonna go shoot up some of those damn street corner huggers, a basic hobo.

"Today, I wills be a-huntin a hobo; ya big, smells funny, sorta like Jack shampooing his hair with the dog crap that I switched with his deodorant." Stated Faust grinning into the air, like the tall freak he is.

"I will require three things for this trip; my laser guided shotgun-o-gigger. ME. And Emerld to hold the dead bodies while I mount them on the wall of the living room." Finished Faust, pulling out his shotgun. "So that's what all those bodies on the walls are." Said Chris, eating one of the legs. "Chris, stop eating those dead bodies, damn it!" yelled Teepo. "Then you should tell Faust to stop filling their bodies with gummy snakes!" yelled Chris back at Teepo. hint hint gummy snakes hint hint "Oh I get it, nasty!" stated Teepo from across the room.

"well, I believe it's time to leave this little room, and hit the streets, out for the prey, HOBOS!" screamed Faust right into Jack's ear, breaking the headphones he had on, causing them to act like shrapnel, and slice his ear to pieces. He was driven to the bathroom for treatment shortly after.

Then we left the house and traveled all the way to a distant land, called Brooklyn. In search for the elusive prey, the hobo, Faust had me look in places which I shouldn't have, like the adult stores…. Damn there were some pretty nasty looking people in there…. I never wanna be in one again.

When we finally did find a hobo, he was sleeping and at the same time, peeing in an alley behind some store. Faust quickly pulled out his shotgun thing from his jacket pocket, and shot at the hobo. The next thing I realized, was that I was covered in blood, from head to toe, and when I looked at the corpse of the now dead hobo, it's entrails were splattered everywhere, pasted along the small alley, the head to the lifeless body was gone, same with some fingers, and a leg, which was ripped off by Faust with a blood curtailing crunch and snapping of both muscle and bone.

Now with the prey dead, Faust soon realized that the body was not intact enough to mount on the living room wall back at home. So he had me search again for some more hobos that he could shoot, stuff, and mount on the wall like game animals, in poses… really stupid ones too.

Back to the re-capping of today, we did find more hobos, Faust had me carry some sleeping ones up to a roof, about twenty stories high. Then, he had me load them onto a catapult, and instructed me to pull the giant lever when he said "PULL!" and so I did. The catapult launched the sleeping hobo far into the air, in turn, Faust aimed his shotgun, shot, and blew the hobo to bloody pieces, raining on the people of Brooklyn with red rain.

This little incident continued on for another couple of hours. Finally, when it started to get light out, Faust thought it was time to move onto another hunting ground, New York City. Now there are supposed to be countless numbers of hobos living in NYC, but when Faust is on the hunt, the number will equal something in the negatives by the time he's done.

We furthered the hunt, deeper into NYC, finding and shooting countless hobos, and then stuffing the bodies into body bags, which were actually trash bags, with a huge blood trail being left behind. When we came back up to the surface, something bluish darted in front of us, it was a mailman. "AAHHHHH!!!" screamed Faust as he leveled his shotgun, pulled the trigger, and blew the mailman apart, with only the bottom half of the body remaining, with others, nasty looking internal organs hanging out, and once again, I was covered head to toe in blood, with some fingers attached to my clothes.

After buying some new clothes, black ones to hide any further blood, I told Faust in the face, "Next time, bring Teepo and leave me at home." Yep, I told him to bring Teepo next time, since he does this type of thing at least once a week. Trust me, you never want to see this stuff, but don't worry, I'll send you readers some photo's of this little hobo hunt, and the years of pass.

After Faust finished his mime on a stick, we continued on with this crappy journey that he made me accompany him on. Soon, we found the paradise of all the hunting spots in NYC, and it was the New York City Homeless Shelter, housing hundreds of thousands of hobos inside its walls. "At last." Stated Faust, "The time has come to destroy the hobos command center, once and for all." Stated Faust, cocking his shotgun. "Faust, I don't think you have permission to hunt in there." I told the over looming crazy doctor, Faust. "Don'cha worry, I got permission from the mayor of this pace to hunt in there." Faust said back to me. "That was pennywise, in a bloody mayor's suit Faust, and I don't think the mayor will be back… so I don't care." I said back to him in an uncaring voice, just wanting to go home.

BOOM Faust blew the door off it's hinges, and started shooting in random directions inside the building, maiming several people, and killing staff, and hobos alike, and he almost shot me.

Soon, the whole building was dripping blood and other liquids in a matter of moments, death and decay flowing Faust and his shotgun of destruction. I WAS trying to help some of the wounded staff members, but Faust kept shooting them, saying "Good job for finding a survivor!" then I would just go try and find another alive one, and Faust would do that all over again.

About an hour later, the stench of death was all over this building, blood splattered all over the walls, limbs and others body parts littered about the halls, corpses strung about the lobbies, rooms, and other offices. I did happen to help some people escape, and told them to get help. I still don't know if they got to safety. But after the hunting, Faust threw a hobo off the building, having it splatter across the ground, about a mile down.

Declaring him the hobo huntin champion of the world, he then too, fell off the building, only to snatch the trash bags full of dead bodies from the ground floor of the building, and flew home on his umbrella.

I eventually got home, and found a new collection of bodies across the walls, many of the hobos he had shot, and some of the people from the homeless place. I took a long bath afterwards, and threw this blood soaked journal into the wash, and then tossed it onto the couch.

I hope everyone has a good day after this, because this day really sucked for me.


	8. Day Fity The HORRIBLE bag

Day Fity - The HORRIBLE bag(Teepo)

Today's events take place… well before I wrote this I guess. Well, I was just minding my business when Faust busts through the door carrying a black sack over his shoulder. He then sat the sack in the corner of the room and sat next to me, turning on the TV shortly after.

"We Now return to _The Simple Life takes a shit_." The TV announced. Faust then clicked it off, walked over to it and picked it up, took onto the front yard, and chucked it so hard that the speed in which it traveled caused it to burst to flames. It hit the mailman roasting him in the process.

"Well, I guess I feel bad for the mailman, not really. Good job for getting all traces of that bitch out of here though Faust. Now if only you could kill Dane Cook." I said wishfully. "Can do." Said Faust as he wrote "Kill unfunny comedian" in his list of things to do.

Kaylee walked in and look at the bag. "What's in the bag?" she asked. "Oh you don't worry about that." He said. Chris then walked in and asked: "Hey Faust boi, what's with the bag? Open it already!"

"NO!" Faust continued. "What lies in that bag is the most horrible thing you could ever imagine! OR! It could be a magical wonder land full of candy. OR! It could contain the cure for AIDS! It could even hold the key to life itself, or the key to ending life itself. The only way you can find out is to open it." "Wow, so let's open it?" I asked. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, but if you DO open the bag and you get raped and eaten then the world explodes, it's not my problem." HE explained with detail. "I'm going upstairs now, leaving the bag unattended, and talking in a dramatic manner!" Faust stated before marching up the stairs to sleep the rest of the day… and it's not even noon.

I sat on the couch clicking the remote for a few minutes before remembering what Faust had done to the TV. "So… do we open the bag?" Chris asked. "You can, I'm just going to let it be." I said. "I'm kinda curious what's in it." Asked Kaylee. Then the bag started moving and making gurgling noises. "Ok, I'm not opening it!" She said as she coward on the other side of the couch.

Jack had gotten up and came downstairs at this time. "What's with the bag? Is someone in it?" He asked. "We don't know, you missed the Faust speech." Said Emerld who dropped down from the ceiling, hanging upside down and tied up. "Who are you?" Asked Jack. "Emerld, what are you doing up there?" "Oh Faust wrapped me up with fly paper, then threw me up here, then ran out the door saying the time for the bag had come or something." He explained as Chris helped him down.

"Well, I'm sick of the bag already! I'm opening it!" Chris said as he undid the tie, and reached in without even looking. He got a look like he had gotten a hold of something, then pulled out a chicken and rice burrito. "All right!" Said Chris as he started eating it and walked off. "I want free food too!" said Jack as he ran over and stuck his hand in the bag. Only when he pulled it out, he had no hand! He just looked at his bloody stub and started whining as he ran back upstairs.

"Well, I'm sure as hell not opening it." I thought to myself, then I left to get a new TV, and as F-Chip, it's like a V-Chip, but blocks FAIL. I got back with the TV, nothing exiting happened to me at the store, except the robbery and high speed chase ending with me fighting three armed robbers and four police officers in a bloody battle royal to the death! You'll here about that on the news though I'm sure, if you don't you might as well kill yourself for missing out. Anyway I opened the door and the sight I saw… Pennywise, the burger king, and Chuck Norris were pummeling the bag with blunt objects, just beating the living hell out of it in the middle of the room!

"What in fuck's sake are you doing!?" I asked is shock. Chuck Norris then stopped and dropped his shovel, Pennywise hung on to his mallet as well as burger king with his diamond pimp cane. "Oh… I dunno… Faust home?" asked Chuck. "He's asleep!" I told him. "Oh… well… see ya!" He said as they all walked out the door and got in a rocket ship and flew to the moon, Saturn's moon.

I set up the TV before the night came, so me and everyone but Faust and Jack sat down and watched _Tentacle: The history of RAPE _on the history channel. Chris had the bag NEXT TO Him and kept reaching in and pulling out popcorn. "Damn it Chris! Cut that out and put the bag of doom back!" I yelled at him. "Fine, just let me get a few more eats." He said as he pulled out a human hand covered in caramel. Jack came downstairs about this time with bandaged wrist and missing hand. "Hey… is that my…" He tried to asked but Chris shoved the hand in his mouth already.

"Hey Kaylee, get me some tea will you?" I asked her. "What am I, your maid? I still don' like you! Pervert." She scolded me, for asking a simple question. "Ouch!" said Chris. "Shut up and eat your sandwich!" I yelled at him. "I dun have a… hey a sandwich!" He yelled as he had forgotten he had six of then in his lap.

"That's it! Teepo, I've gotta see what's in that bag! Maybe it will give them their memories back!" Emerld stated. "Your funeral… WHOA! I never even knew about that orifice!" I stated as I watched more of the documentary. Emerld then warily, opened the bag. A bird flew out scaring the shit out of Emerld and flying off into his room. "Whoa, that was weird." he stated as he followed the bird, I didn't here from him the rest of the night.

"Ok, I guess I'll see what I get out of this grab bag." I said as I opened the gad, I saw NOTHING. It was like staring into a black hole, annoyed at the spiteful bag bastard I got a bucket of hot cheese and pored it into the bag. I heard a lot of screaming coming from the bag… it was weird, but I didn't give it too much thought as Chris started choking me due to the fact I wasted his cheese he had been trying to get perfect for eight months.

"OK! I'm sick of this, everyone gets cool stuff and I lose my hand! I want cool stuff!" Jack yelled at the bag. "No! Everyone hates you!" The BAG replied. "HOLY FUCK! It said something!" Jack said as he hid behind the couch. "Is someone actually in there?" I asked. "Yes! Now let me out! The bag replied.

I walked over and undid the bag, some guy with bushy hair and an Australian accent came out. "Who are you, what are you doing here, and why should I care?" I started pestering him. "I live next door! Some fuck with a bag on head burst in my house and stuffed my in that sack! It was horrible in there, it felt like I was being pounded by a shovel, a mallet, a pimp cane, then some fucker poured cheese all over me!!!" He ranted. "Uhh… yeah, now get the fuck out of our house before you find out who the cheese guy was…" I stated as I pushed him out the door.

"I will be back! That bag guy is going to pay for this!!!" He stated as he walked back home. "Hmm… wonder why we never saw that guy before, he didn't even give us his name." I thought to myself. "OK! Now that the bag is empty, I'm going to find it's magical secrets!" Stated Jack as he made a grab for the bag. "Jack, NO!" I yelled, but it was too late, the bag had already sucked Jack in and sealed itself.

We tried for over an hour to get him out, but it was no use. It was pretty late so we decided to leave him and go to bed, we assured him we would help him in the mourning though. Well, we woke up the next day and went to the front room where we had left the bag… but it was gone!

It was gone… until we walked out back to find Faust burning the bag with Jack still in it. "NO FAUST! JACK IS STILL IN THERE!" I screamed just before Faust said "Wha?" and tossed bottle of vodka into the fire. Once the fire died down, Jack was no more. He will be missed.


	9. Day Spyder The bird O' Doom

Day spyder – Bird O' Doom(Emerld)

"And then my head exploded, blowing the mail man to pieces!" proclaimed Faust, posing like the captain Morgan, off of the TV. "Faust, we know, since you've told us that same story **nine times** in the past two hours already." Said Teepo, trying to look around Faust to watch the TV. "Well" said Chris "If ya didn't throw that journal at Emerld, then he could be down here listening to this crap-tastic story of Faust's instead of US!" finished Chris as he ran out of breath. "Oh well!" said Teepo with a pout, "He deserved the blow to the head for letting Faust burn the bag that jack was in!"

Then there was a ringing at the door, as if someone had come by to say hi or something like that. Then the door opened, and with much surprise, Jack was on the other side of the front door, holding an ice cream cone, which Chris snatched out of his hand an devoured with one gulp. "CHRIS! Chew the damn thing first, or you'll choke!" screamed Teepo. "So how are you back, Jack?" said Teepo. "Yeah, we saw Faust burn the bag that you were trapped in and we couldn't get you out." Stated Chris eating out of a bag of Cheese Its that was in his hands. "I don't know." Said Jack as he walked over to the couch and started watching TV.

Anyway, I was up in my room the whole time this took place, trying to capture the bird that'd flown out from the bag of doom, and went into my room. So I've been trying to get it out since yesterday. "Come 'err you little hell spawn!" I yelled as I lunged at the bird flying in corner of the room. I missed the bird by an inch, and ended up smashing my face into the wall. "Son of a bitch!" I screamed as it felt like I had broken my nose.

"What was that?" said Chris back down stairs. "I think it was Emerld?" said Teepo. "Well if it isn't me, it should be!" exclaimed Faust, marching upstairs, a little ticked off that he wasn't the source of the problem. "Damn fucking bir-" was all I could say before Faust shot the door off using his shotgun harpoon thing. "HERE!" exclaimed Faust as he grabbed the bird, and stuffed it into a cage, and closed the tiny door on it. He handed me the caged bird, and told me to not cause trouble unless it was with him.

He left and I had to put the door back up. Later on I was down stairs trying to figure out how Jack had gotten back with the others, including Jack. That's when we heard Kaylee screaming. At first Teepo thought it was his plushy, but then remembered that it was next to him on the couch. So we raced up there to see what the source was.

It was the bird. It had somehow gotten out of its cage, gotten out of my closed and locked window, and flew straight onto Kaylee's head, where it promptly fell asleep. "GET IT OFF OF ME!!" screamed Kaylee as she franticly ran around the room trying her best to swat the bird off with her broom. Shortly after, the bird woke up and flew over onto my shoulder, where it then began to purr or something like that. I freaked out and screamed like Kaylee, running down the hall back into my room after close inspection of the purring bird, it had four red eyes.

After an hour, I got it back into its cage, locked it, and threw a sheet over it. I went to bed after that. I woke back up at about midnight, and heard a type of cawing, and noticed the bird had gotten out again, and was on my bed, staring at me. So I freaked out and took action. I grabbed the nearest object (which happened to be a shovel…don't ask) and smacked the bird with the broad side of the shovel head.

I stuffed it back into its cage, locked it, and then poured cement over it to keep it from getting out. I woke up early the next morning and noticed nothing was wrong with my room, and it seemed like the bird was still in its cage. So I decided to head downstairs and make myself some toast, hopefully Chris hasn't eaten it all though. By the time I got down there, there appeared to some type of commotion in the kitchen, involving some girl in almost no cloths, and cooking.

I hurried into the kitchen to see what was happening, when Chris yelled at Jack "I saw her first, and she can cook better than Emerld, so I get to keep her!" pointed Chris at the girl. All she had on was a big, loose shirt that went down to her knees which was white, and it appeared as if she had no underwear on; and she had small horns coming out of the sides of her head. She looked a pale blue for the color of the skin, with weird marking leading up her cheeks, ending at her eyes. She had semi pointy ears, and blood red eyes, but only the pupil was the color red, and her hair went past her butt, and was a light blonde. It also appeared that she had a collar on around her neck, and around her ankles.

"Teepo, what's going on?" I asked him while he was standing there, still half asleep with his arms crossed. "Oh, Emerld." "Chris and Jack got into a argument over this weird girls who just appeared in our kitchen this morning, making breakfast, in apparently one of your shirts." He said. "Wha?" was all I could say before the girl ran over to me, and started rubbing her head against my shoulder and started purring…."I know that purr." I said, and then it hit me like Chris smacking me over the skull with a frozen tuna.

"That girl must have been the offspring of Faust and the bird." I said in protest. Everybody just stopped and looked at me, then at Faust who came up behind me with another sack over his shoulder, and some mail fall out of his pocket, which meant it was another mailman. "No you brainless shit!" said Faust into my face. "That's the damn bird that kept getting loose last night!" he continued….then I passed out.

Later I woke back up on the floor of the kitchen, with that bird/ girl thing looking over me. "Ahh!" I screamed as it freaked me out. "I'm.here.to.serve.master." she said. At that time I noticed Testament starring at me and laughing at me from the kitchen table drinking tea with his own bird succubus thing. "Get up Emerld." He said. "I'll teach you to control your succubus." "NO!" I yelled back at him. "But..." he said pulling up a finger to get my attention. "NO!" "I don't want her, she freaks me out! I screamed back at him. But then I passed out again.

Later I woke up in my room, under my covers in bed; with that creepy succubus bird girl thing staring at me on top of my bed…NOTHING HAPPENED! I got up and threw the journal into the hallway, and now I need to figure out how to get this thing away from new now that it keeps calling me master and shit… I'll talk to testament later. Night, night.


	10. Day DEAD Faust buys a death note

Day DEAD DEAD DEAD - Faust buys a death note from K-mart. (Teepo)

Today I was sitting around in the oven minding my own business, when I hear the sounds of random Japanese music playing in the other room. So, I got out of the refrigerator, and went to see what was up.

"What's now guys?" I asked. "Faust bought a box of anime DVD's off Ebay, then sold them on Xbay and bought more DVD's from best buy." Explained Emerld. "So what are you watching at the moment?" I asked. "Death note, it's got this one gut named after a letter, he dies, then this Ray Penbar guy, you GOTTA see how he dies! Then, this other…" Faust went on… and on… and ON! I walked out of the room and came back six hours later, he was STILL talking! Long after the DVD played started to display it's screen saver of Pennywise chain sawing a box of furbies.

After I unplugged the DVD player, cooked it, fed it to Chris, then buried Chris deep under the floor boards, Faust bought another one, but AFTER that, he went out the door saying "K-mart will never be the same!" "He'll be back." Said Emerld. "Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get adopted by the fatties that work at K-mart?" I asked hopeful. "Nah, he'll be back because he forgot his harpoon gun." Said Emerld as he pointed to the gun next to Jack, who had been stuck suspended from the wall by 3 harpoons in his shirt, and a forth in his groin.

Faust did return for the harpoon gun, as he ripped the harpoons out of the wall and out of Jack he ripped large chunks out of the wall. "You guy's BETTER have wall done by the time I get back!" He said as he reloaded his harpoon gun and ran back out the door.

We were too lazy to fix the wall, so we cooked it for dinner instead. Faust got home around nine or so , holding in his mouth a brand new Death note, as well as the arm of a wandering mailman. "Faust, the mail doesn't even go at this hour!" Stated Chris. "I know, this guy was one of my best friends, we grew up together, I looked him up and went over to his house, he tried to tell me current events, so I feed him to the sewer gators." Said Faust with a big grin on his bag.

"K, what's with the note book thing?" I asked. "I bought this for the low, low price of burning down K-mart!" he stated proudly, as he shut off the news report about the maniac who burned down K-mart and half the hobos in the barking lot. "If this works like it did in that one show I never took out of the package, all I have to do is write the name of someone and think of there face, then, DEAD! Isn't that hilarious!?" He said laughing his ass off. "I get it!" Yelled Chris from the other room.

"Faust, you could already have ANYONE you wanted killed, with out even leaving the house, how come you needed that?" Emerld asked. "Because, this came with a free dog guy thing!" Faust explained as he pointed to some weird guy standing in the middle of the room, almost as tall as he was.

"My name is…" Said the figure. "NO! I GETS TO NAME YOU, BOI!" Faust interrupted. "Your NEW name that was given by ME is now Billy Enrico Jim-bob Mc'Danald Redfield Concerto the thirty-second. "Now, tell me who to kill first!" Faust demanded. "OK, first off… HEY!" Said the guy who's now named Billy, as he noticed Faust writing his name in the book. "STOP THAT!" He yelled. "Fine, baby." Faust said as he dropped the pencil.

"I'm gonna go kill myself before Faust does it, anyone else wanna join me?" asked Emerld. "Sure." Said Chris. "Why not." Said Jack as they both followed Emerld. "Hey! I'm the suicide guy around these parts!" I yelled as I used my magic spider powers to bind them to the wall… I got bit by a spider then the powers went away once my lung fell out.

"WEE! I'm gonna make Pennywise DEAD! Oh he's gonna love this!" Stated Faust as he wrote "Minnywise the brown" in the death note. "No, it's gotta be his REAL name." Said Billy the 32nd. "Ok." Stated Faust as he wrote "Stickywise the crown." "No, no, NO!" He stated. "To HAS to be his REAL name!" "Okale doke!" Faust stated as he wrote on the note once more.

Then Billy snatched the note from his hand, only to read out: "The Burger king." Then, the great King himself smashed through the walls of the house, grabbed Billy and pinned him down, then, beat the living fuck out of him and ate the page out of the Death note. Then he gave him a whopper for some reason…

"OK! THAT'S IT! You're going to sit HERE all night until you get it right! I'll be back tomorrow!" Screamed Billy in pure rage as he stomped out of the house. He arrived the next morning early, and found Faust still sitting at the table he had left him. "So, let me see that list of corpses!" He said as Faust handed him the death note.

It read over and over again: "All work and no play makes Faust kill the death note guy!" Then Billy pulled the note from his face to reveal himself looking straight into both barrels of Faust's shotgun. That was the last we ever saw of him, till breakfast!


	11. Day 2 Mil

Day 2,000,000 Too many faces(Jack, yeah, JACK WROTE ONE!)

Yo, names Jack and this is my story. I woke up on the wrong side of the planet, as I opened me eyes there was a little Chinese kid staring at me "AHHHH" I screamed. "AHHHHH" the kid yelled back. Then the kid starting saying something about... well I'm not to sure but I heard "Bagman", "Figures. That damn Faust putting me on the other side of the planet" I muttered to myself. I looked at the kid and gave him a dollar, he just kinda stared at me. "Oops!" I exclaimed. "That's right they don't have American money here" I said. So I reached in my pocket and pulled out a porno, "Here, enjoy" I said to the kid.

"Gracias" said the kid as he ran off. I started thinking on how I was going to get home, then I stopped and realized "CHINEESE KINDS DON'T SPEAK SPANISH" I yelled. Everyone at that sidewalk looked at me funny. "Well this blows, hey! I can call Teepo or Emerld and they can come pick me up" I thought to myself. I reached for the payphone and put in two quarter's, they kept coming out "Fuck!" I exclaimed. I started asking around for change for the pay phone...After three hours I got what I needed. It was not easy I had to talk to fourteen midgets, each one I wanted to beat up more then the last one I talked to, they just seem to get dumber and dumber the smaller they are! I like midgets but damn.

That was the least of it though, four armed Chinese clerk sales women started hitting on me "I need change for the pay phone." I told her. She winked at me. "Gah, gah " I said right before I throw up all over her "Sorry" I yelled running away. Finally I pointed at a pay phone and someone gave me some money for it "Thanks" I said to them. I called Teepo and Emerld... Teepo picked up "Help me I'm stuck in CHINA!" I told him. This is what I got "There's not enough gas to come get you." he said. "NOOOOOOOO, I have to be stuck in china?" I asked. "Yep, we will figure a way to get you home." he told me." Tell Faust I'm going to kill him when I get home!" I said. "He's been gone all day, We wanted to know where he went.. at first but its nice with out him here" He said. "LUCKY!" I yelled. "Ok,later" I said.

I looked around and there was more then just Chinese people here, there was a sea of all kinds of people even animals that belong in WATER! "How are they breathing?" I asked myself. I walked over to one of them and looked at it.. it had strings attached to it! I stumbled backwards and tripped over a toad. I got up and brushed myself off, I looked at the toad and it stood up and said "BATTLE TOADS!" right after that it started shooting me with a little gun.

"AHHHH" I screamed once again. Once a I got away I started noticing things like the fast foods sign was drawn in different colors and very sloppily done. "Hmmm." I said to myself. As I started going up to it...It got UP and ran away! "What kinda fucked up place is this?" I wondered to myself. I looked up and the sky was not blues with clouds but there seemed to be a giant guy and there was also what seemed to be shelved behind him. "Wait a minute! FAUST! You get me out of here you bastard!" With that and a click clack BOOM, I was back in the house. "I'm going to kill you" I said. I looked at Faust with an evil look and started chasing him with a frying pan every where he went.

He ran in the living room where most the house hold had been with me still chasing him. We ran all over town, I accidentally hit two bilkers and a patrol guy. Lucky that knocked them out or I would be toast.. "MmMmMm toast" Anyway we finally were back on our block with me stilling chasing Faust like a mad man.

There was a mime that came out of know where. "PERFECT, Faust can't resist eating those!" I thought to myself. He started eating the mime forgetting all about me, so I snuck over there as quite as I could, then right before I hit him he turned into the kid I gave to playboy to. I almost did not wanna hit him but I knew it was Faust.

He started running again, I started chasing him then everything went black. I woke to: Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep. "How the...where am I ?" I asked. Teepo looked at me and told me that in my attempt to hit Faust with that Frying pan... I stepped on a rake knocking me out! "Bet your not going to try that again?" Asked Faust. "Oh and thanks for the Playboy, I don't have this months." said Faust. While hanging from the ceiling light. "You...asssssss..ZzZzZzZz" I said falling asleep exhausted from chasing Faust and hurting myself.


	12. Day March 21st Dodge alligators

Friday, 21 – The great dodge-alligator-ball tournament.(Emerld)

"FAUST!" Teepo screamed as he ran out of the bathroom, his hair now a bright orange, and his face pure purple. "What the hell have I told you about switching my hair dye with my face cream?!" he continued to scream, when Faust turned the corner only to knock Teepo down the stairs, landing himself on a chair in the kitchen. "Want some breakfast, Teepo?" I asked as I handed him a glass of pure green tea, upon which he grabbed and drank within seconds.

"Look at what Faust did to me!" Teepo yelled at me. "Well go and take a shower to get that stuff out of your hair and off your face then, oh, and beware, Faust may have switched the regular water with instant pudding again." I told him as he stormed upstairs to remove the hideous color of his hair, and face. "WOAH!" Chris said as he walked past Teepo, walking face first into the wall.

He just pushed his face off the wall and then demanded that he be fed before he eats the entire kitchen again. "Emerld, make me a huge breakfast, or I WILL eat your bird again." Chris said as he started to drool. "Go ahead and eat that bird, hell, every time I turn my back on it for even a minute, it does something stupid, gross, or, ...eh." I told Chris as I started walking out of the kitchen, only to smack face first into a wall. "OW, who put this wall here...oh, it's just Faust." I said as I backed up, and then went around him back to my room.

But before I could do that, Faust grabbed me by my shirts collar, pulling me backwards, and making me fall on my back. "The hell was that for?!" I said as he pulled me up, then, he reached over and picked up Chris with his other hand, then, slamming our heads together, screamed in our faces "LETS PLAY DODGEBALL!!" and the he proceeded to throw us into a pit.

As I looked around, I couldn't see anything, but I could hear this weird noise, it sounded like jaws snapping. That's when it hit me, and I mean, it really "hit" me. With a solid thud, I lay on the groind, in pain as something as heavy as a fat man on the buffet table at hometown buffet.

"YOU'RE OUT!!" screamed Faust from the darkness, making more noises. Then, the lights came on, and to my none the less shock, a fuging alligator lay on top of my chest, swishing its tail around, trying to both bite me, and trying to get off of me.

"Holy shit!" screamed Teepo from the corner of the room, pointing at the creature. "This is dodge-alligators!" claimed Faust, holding another alligator in his left hand, readying it to throw at another one of us.

Faust threw it as hard as he could, aiming it at Jack, who was facing the wrong way. With a solid punch, Jack sent the alligator into the wall on the right of us. "In this game, we use alligators as the ball, and if you get hit, you're out." deemed Faust as he flung his arms out, showing us the opponents that we would be facing off against.

There stood Faust in the middle, to his right, were Pennywise the Clown, Master Chief, and Freakazoid. To his left, there was the Mask, the Burger King, and Zappa. On our side was me on the far left, Teepo on the far right, Jack and Chris near the middle, with my annoying devil bird thing in the air, right above me, and I think Teepo's Bridget plushie was standing near him, acting as a guard.

In the middle of this gigantic room there was a swamp type pool with alligators swimming around in it. Faust ran forward, skidding to a halt near the pool of alligators, reached in, and yanked one out by the tail, swung it over his head, and threw it straight at Chris. "FOOD!" yelled Chris as he held out his arms, waiting to receive the alligator to only eat it rather than throw it back at the opponents.

As soon as that alligator had been thrown at our side, Faust's team ran to the pool, and in turn each yanked out an alligator to throw at us. Master Chief grabbed two, only to be eaten by a third alligator that jumped out of the water and opened its mouth to swallow him whole. The Mask and Freakazoid both turned into small tornados next to each other, acting like a gun, while Pennywise the Clown threw alligators in between the two, hurling the alligators at our side.

Chris grabbed a couple of the gators, only to eat them, Jack also caught one, then threw it back, maiming Zappa in the face as an alligator clamped onto his head. Zappa started going into one of his seizures until he hit the floor, a pool of blood coming from his face from where the alligator started ripping his flesh off, eating it only to become poisoned and die instantly on the spot.

Teepo found a door and ran through it, only to get lost in a maze Faust had set up previous to the start of the game. His plushie ran after him, or more like fell towards his direction, only to get too close to the pool of the alligators and then got eaten whole by one of the larger alligators, and then it swam backs into the water.

Soon after, it appeared that both teams were starting to lose. Faust then decided it was time to use one of his super powered machine type weapons on our team, which now consisted only of myself, Jack, Chris, and my bird. Faust's team was only down to Pennywise, The Mask, Freakazoid, The Burger King, and Faust himself.

Faust reached into his pants, and pulled out what appeared to be a stick, that is until he flipped the switch on it, then, it turned into a giant BOOT. Complete with side missile launches, and a cannon attached to the top of the boot. Faust jumped inside of the boot, turned it on, and the repeatedly stomped his own teammates, crushing them beneath his massive boot.

Soon after, we realized that his new super boot couldn't do shit to us, since it could only stomp, and the missile launches and cannon were actually only painted on. Around that time, I noticed that two alligators were facing each other, and I could hear a weird noise coming from them. "Ah, finally got out og that maze." stated Teepo as he crawled from one alligator mouth, into the other, only to be lost once again. "How much longer is this retarded game gonna last Faust?" Jack asked as he punched another alligator that Faust had thrown at him.

"Until either you're deader than my foot, read this homemade book of my own creation, which is yaoi of me, and me, or, you win." Faust replied to Jack, now throwing three alligators at once, using three arms. "Alright then, Chris, Jack…bird thing, we have to win, or else we will have to read Fausts yaoi book of himself, and he draws GOOD!" I screamed at our team.

Chris then dropped the alligator he was eating, and started grabbing the rouge alligators that were near us, throwing them back at Faust in an attempt to win this stupid game quickly. Jack also did so too, by punching the gators back at Faust, who was alone on his team since he crushed the others with his giant boot of doom.

Me on the other hand, I grabbed my bird, and used her as a baseball bat, hitting back anything that was thrown my way, which included not only gators, but also pieces of the walls, and floor, also a dead hobo or two.

It was like a battle of battles, the living live, and the dead get used as weapons. Great amounts of dust and debris were created within what appeared to be days. When the dust and floating bodies finally died down, Faust lay on the groind, not moving. "We did it, we won!" yelled Chris as he picked up half an alligator and ate it.

I was barely conscious when we won, and Jack was panting, lying on the floor, his arms both broken to the point that they looked like a limp of meat. That's when Faust started moving again, slowly, but he was moving. As he got up, he looked at us, and pointed over at us. "Okay." He said, then, he reached down and picked up an alligator, and threw it into the air, causing it to explode upon impact with the ceiling.

Confetti went everywhere, and a huge sign hung from the ceiling where the destroyed body of the alligator was. The sign read "ROUND 2!" That's when Faust's chest burst open, and Teepo crawled out, exclaiming "HA, I finally got out of that stupid maze!" That's when I blanked out.

I woke up to notice everyone on the couch in the living room, just watching TV. Faust then handed me a medal, which on the front had a gator ripped in half with a one going through it. "Fuck you Faust." I said as I walked back up to my room, with bird in tow. Btw, if you're wondering about the others, everyone is fine, and Teepo's Bridget plushie is with him, no damage from the gators.


	13. Day 1atey2 Sexual awareness

Day 1atey2 - Sexual awareness. (Teepo)

"Hay Kids! Here is a fun idea, go to the nearest text to speech program and paste the entire LWF journal into it, and let the fun begin!" Stated Faust through the text I just typed. "FAUST!" I yelled at him. "Quite communicating with people through me!" I continued. Now, anyway, on to what I was typing…

It's been awhile since I updated this thing, there are reasons for this people. Those reasons are very simple… I lost the book. Anyway, Jack found it last week under the carpet, so I'm back. Everything is still the same, all the guys still have their memories wiped. Oh, and I found out my not girlfriend fled the house late in the night, she never came back. That's OK though, Bridget plushie couldn't have been happier about it. I asked Faust why he didn't stop her, cause he dragged all of us back when we tried to escape. He replied simply: "I thought it would be funny to see your reaction."

So as I sat on the couch trying to watch some TV, I was interrupted by Chris falling through the ceiling. "What is it now, Chris boi?" I asked him. He didn't say anything, but he held up a paper that read "Sexual education." "Wow Chris, I had no idea you went to school." I stated as I changed the channel.

Another second later Faust jumped down from the whole Chris made and landed feet first on top of him. "You're NOT going!" Faust yelled at him. Chris sprang up knocking Faust over. "Dude, I have a girlfriend, I know about sex, you can relax." Chris stated to Faust. "Wait, I don't fully understand what's going on?" I said attempting to gain information on the situation. "Well, you see boi, this boi has this school thing or whatever, and they are teaching kids how to make BABIES! Babies someday I'LL have to take care of when I dig them out of the dumpster by mistake, looking for left over burger king scraps." Faust explained.

"They're not teaching us how to MAKE babies, they are trying to teach us how to NOT make babies, at least they try, but do a horrible job of it." Chris explained. "Yeah, I remember when I was in school, the guy actually told us about an orgy he attended with underage girls." Emerld joined the conversation out of nowhere. "Of course, he got fired and arrested after that speech… beaten in prison, too" Emerld continued then ended his little story.

"Well, what does that have to do with beating on Chris?" I asked Faust. Then, out of nowhere Jack ran in the room and punched Chris in the solar plexus. "Oh… my… JUSUM!" Chris yelled in pain. "WHAT WA THAT FOR!?" Chris then yelled at him. "I heard someone say beat up Chris, so I did." Jack replied. Chris then caught Jack with the upper-cut.

"All right, NOW can someone explain? Faust?" I asked looking in his direction. "Chris is just one of the kids in that school, I plan on going and fixing the rest of the little bastards too." Faust explained. "Well, I don't plan on making babies, unless they are baby cows for me to eat, so LEAVE ME ALONE!" Chris yelled at Faust. "Fine! But on one condition, you go with me to help save the children! Form MAKING CHILDREN!" Faust demanded. "Fine." Chris said in agreement.

"Faust, they already have someone there to take care of this kind of thing." Emerld explained. "DON"T CARE." Faust yelled at him. "OK, but at least listen to what he has to say BEFORE you go nuts on everyone, promise?" I asked him. "All right, fine, I'll do it just so I can make fun of him after words!" Faust agreed. "OK, but just to make sure EVERYONE doesn't die, I'm going with you and Chris." I told him.

"I might as well go too, got nothing better to do." Emerld stated. "Aw… you guys DO love me!" Faust stated and reached for a hug. "No, not really Faust, but I had a feeling you'd make us go anyway if we hadn't agreed to come." I explained to him. "Your instincts were correct." He replied now tossing the bat he was prepared to use on us. "I'll go too." Said Jack just now picking himself up off the floor.

WHAM! Faust them smashed Jack's skull with the bat, he got it back somehow. "Why did you hit Jack!?" I asked in confusion. "Jack wouldn't help us out! If anything he'd make things much worse by hitting on the girls there!" Faust explained. "Oh, good point. Well, shall we get going?" I asked. "YESUM MA'AM!" Faust yelled as he jumped out the closed window.

On the way there Faust stopped for Burger King, he got the usual 100 discount by showing the workers there a picture of himself with the burger king, then beating them unconscious with it. "So, what do you plan to do, exactly?" I asked Faust. "Ima wait for this person to be done with his crappy speech, then Ima correct him! ON STAGE!" Faust screamed with a smile on his bag.

We got to the school, only to find that it was closed and the meeting was tomorrow. "Oh yeah, forgot to tell us this did you Chris?" Emerld asked pissed off. "I figured you'd know!" Chris replied before eating his burger king paper crown. So, I bet your wondering what we did when we got home. Well, I can't tell you that because Faust wouldn't let us leave. He MADE us wait, until the next day when school reopened. Oh, and he shot a crossing hobo in the night.

So, we waited it out until the next day and had Chris alert us when the meeting was happening. He did so and we were led into the assembly. The guy on stage, was a douche. He kept on telling the kids it's OK to have sex as long as they both love each other, who the fuck loves anyone in high school!? (me :D) He then started telling them about all kinds of alternatives, this would be OK if the kids weren't all 12. Yeah, 12 year olds do that kind of stuff, if you have a 12 year old children or older better have the talk with them, NOW. O

Then, the douches shining moment of stupidity, he threw free condoms into the crowd, and the parents and teaches present thought this was perfectly OK. "Wow, after seeing this I'm actually looking forward to what Faust has to say." I told Chris. "OKAY!!" Yelled Faust from the back of the room.

"Can I help you sir?" The douche on stage asked. FWOOSH! "Oops, harpoon in your throat!" Faust yelled after shooting him with his harpoon gun. The doors then all magically locked themselves before Faust jumped up on stage. "MY TURN!" He yelled.

"OKAY! First of all kids, MY NAME IS FAUST!" He screamed at them as he leaned forward close to the crowd, causing most of them to scream. "Second, this guy sucks! Yeah, sex is GREAT! Especially if it's with me! But you little bastards have no business trying the stuff! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT!?" He asked them. "Just cause you has a penis you think you can use it whenever you want!? I DON'T THINK SO!!" Faust continued.

"NOW!" He yelled. "Who here has already lost their virginity to some older guy who never cared about them and they'll never see again?" Faust asked the audience. No one answered. "C'mon now, don't be shy!" He continued. One girl finally raised her hand. "WHORE!" Faust screamed in her face before throwing a rock at her and knocking her out. "FAUST!" I yelled at him. "Sorry, gotta be strict." he whispered to me.

"NOW!" He yelled again. "Wouldn't you rather NOT have a rock to the skull? Or your penis in a meat grinder? Cause I can make these things happen! I don't want to see any more babies around my part of the earth anymore, therefore I declare it is illegal for anyone under age 18 to sex up anyone else!" Faust announced. "Faust, that's already a law, and you don't have the power to declare laws anyway." Emerld explained.

"FINE!" Faust yelled. I'll do it the hard way! "YOU!" He screamed at some guy who was like 14. "Have YOU ever had sex!? Don't lie because I can read your thought!" HE warned him. "Y… yes." The boy said cowering. "BAM! You now have AIDS." Faust said. "Now, as for the rest of you, I'll AWARE YOU of sexual ness!" He yelled as the doors unlocked and he cocked his harpoon-shotgun. The kids all ran out screaming, the teachers too.

We then gathered in the hall. Faust made us all T-shirts with SEXUAL AWARENESS written on them, only he printed them upside down. He had me and Chris stand on either side of him, Faust gave me a baseball bat with "SENSE" embedded in it, and Chris a set of brass knuckles, his right hand spelled out "SEXUAL" and his left "AWARENESS." Emerld had to stand in front of the bathrooms handing out "DON'T DO IT" flyers. "I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea." I told Chris. "Nah, you'll have fun once you get to use that bat. Go for the face!" He suggested.

"YOU!" Faust yelled at a group of girls. "Sign this blue paper!" He said shoving it in there face. "Why, what's it for?" One of the girls asked. "It simply states that if you so do choose to have sex before the proper age, and have any kids before the age of 25 that you agree to let that child be eaten by my good friend Pennywise. "Faust said smiling. The girls, were horrified. "Also I equip you with this nice ankle bracelet that shocks the living crap out of any guy dumb enough to stick his cock in you!" He said holding it up. The girls all ran off as fast as they could. Chris and I were sent to beat them down afterwards.

After seven or eight more groups of kids running off, and us being sent to beat the knowledge of sex out of their small minds, Faust got a little pissed. "Why will no one do what I tells them too?" He asked me. "Well Faust, _maybe _you just can't control the way the world is?" I explained to him. "Hmm… no, no, that's not it. They're all just stupid!" Faust came to his own conclusion. "Whatever Faust, can we get home now, I want to see my plushie." I asked him. "Yeah, I guess so, but one more thing…" He said before pulling out a remote and hitting a button.

"What did you just do!?" I asked in a panic. "Oh, I just implemented the F chip in all the kids minds, which means anyone who FAILS cannot have sex without gaining a pound for each second they are in the act, isn't that funny?" He asked. "That's HILARIOUS!" Chris stated. "Now I'll have SO many new fat kids to make fun of!" He went on. "What happens if they are so into it they don't realize they are getting fat?" Emerld asked. "Heart-attack/explosive diarrhea." Faust replied. "Whatever, let's just get home.

When we got home we found Jack in the nude watching porn. "What the hell man!?" I yelled at him. "What? This is what I do when no one's around!" He replied. "Get your pants on damn it!" Emerld yelled at him and threw his pants at him. Jack then redressed and went back upstairs. "By the way, I found that tape in _your _room Emerld!" Jack yelled at him. "Ah! All is well in this town's school now!" Faust said proud of himself. "Actually Faust, that's just my school, there are plenty of others here." Chris explained. "Well then, I know what me and Pennywise are doing tomorrow!" Faust said happily.

"Oh, and by the way Faust I moved my new girlfriend in with me." I told him. "WHAT!?" He yelled. "Yeah, just checking to make sure one of those F chips isn't in me, but why am I worried, I'm not FAIL!" I said with confidence. "No F chip, but how on earth did you get her in here without me knowing?" He asked confused. "Easy, I opened the door and let her in." I explained. "No my god, brilliant!" He replied.

I then had to go through the inevitable process of introducing her to Faust. "Faust, this is Missy, now don't ever look at her again, OK?" I warned him. "Relax, I'm not going to hurt her!" Faust replied. "Teepo has told me horrible things about you, you don't seem as bad as I imagined though." She said to him. "Oh, you'll learn. You'll learn." Said Faust as he floated up through the ceiling and into his room. "Don't worry about him." I told her.

Then we went up stairs and had a wonderful time with each other, until Faust let the mini Godzillas loose. Again.


End file.
